Absent for a good reason

I've not been blogging regularly. Usually, I'd feel insufficient about that. I know several amazing, busy, working moms who are managing enthralling, hilarious, informative[lucrative] blogs. However, I am not interesting enough to even attempt to be a Heather or a Blair. (Umm, yeah, I really don't "know" these girls, but they're popular!) 

The reason for my lack of blogging, frankly, is that I'm out enjoying life more! I'm spending less time doing non-productive things and being able to enjoy my girl, my man, and my happiness more. It is SO liberating. I've forgotten to take my meds a couple of days, and I can really tell the difference. On those days, I'm more inclined to be lazy with everything: work, relationships, household chores, and my own grooming. You all know what I'm talking about, so don't pretend like there haven't been days when you didn't want to get dressed, let alone shower.  Let's face it. Every mom does it, and I have no shame in admitting it.

The bad part about not blogging is that I haven't been showing off my growing, smart girl. She will be 6 months old next week. SIX MONTHS! I'm inclined to already start planning her 1st birthday party (can you say Winter ONEderland party, anyone?)....OK, I've already got ideas. :)

More pictures of the darling girl to come!

Running for Lillian

A couple of years ago when I knew Glen and I were ready to expand our family, I found an online group of gals all with the same goal of getting pregnant. Over time, the group dwindled to a select 75-80 (maybe a few more), making it easy to get to know each other. I find daily support from this group of girls and try to give back as much as I can. One of the ladies gave birth to her first baby, a girl named Lillian, in September. Lillian was soon after diagnosed with Prader-Willi Syndrome. Since then, her parents Sarah and Phil have sought out the best of the best care for her, and they have inspired the rest of us that belong to this special group of internet friends. None of us had heard of PWS before, but it occurs in 1 in 15,000 babies and can cause a variety of difficulties both for the child and caregivers. You can learn more about PWS through the link above, and you can also go to Sarah's blog, Falling for Baby , to read more about their story.

Another member of this group, Vanessa, has decided to run in a 10K, raising money to donate to PWS research.   I have already donated, but if you do feel so inclined, every bit of money they can get helps. Please click on Lillian's picture below if you care to donate, and also feel free to mention this story in your blog to spread PWS awareness. Thanks in advance. :)

Productive Naps

The brains of babes just amaze me. Yesterday, K took the longest nap ever---almost 4 hours from 10:30 to 2:15. After that point, it seems as though she has discovered wild use of her tongue and "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" along with "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma"! Of course, I'd love to believe she's saying "mama", but I know better than that.

She also sat unsupported for over 3 minutes after that red-sea-parting-nap, and I can't help but wonder just how many little brain cells muliplied over the course of her long slumber. If only my adult brain could do so much!

5 month milestones

Katelyn is now almost 24 weeks old...yes! 5 1/2 months! Where did the time go? (And why hasn't my belly gone with it?!)

Here's what she's up to:

--sitting unsupported for 5-10 seconds, no hands
--tripod sitting 15 seconds
--rolling belly to back, back to belly, but not across the room yet.
--eating in her big girl high chair
--now eating oatmeal, prunes, sweet potatoes, green beans, avocado, and next up: butternut squash!
--not really sleeping through the night consistently, usually up 1-2x/night
--holding her bottle herself 5-10 seconds
--gnawing on everything in sight
--plays in her Exersaucer up to 30 minutes at a time, thoroughly engaged in all the toys.

This girl is growing so quickly!

No longer a Vlog Virgin

So I have recorded my first blog, and let.me.tell.you. What a learning experience about myself. I really should have tried to get better lighting. To record from overhead a bit to disguise my double chin. To not say "Um" so much. To look straight into the lens rather than at the flipped view screen. To not do the crazy wide eyes once in a while. To wear a top that doesn't slide down my shoulder to reveal my brastrap. Ah, the picky little things one can point out on themselves, right? 

If nothing else, this video gives me more motivation to keep going with the diet/exercise/attempted weight loss! The great thing is, those lovely little light green pills prevented me from crying about myself and just allowed me to laugh at myself instead. One other thing---I really do look a lot like my mom. I shall say no more about that. :)

Here I am in all of my shining glory---and even if you have a negative thought, please leave a fake nice message so you don't hurt my feelings...or I might throat-punch you.
(Just kidding, y'all!)

Happy Days

Oh, I have really fallen behind on blogging, but I have a good reason: SUN! We have had 5 days in a row of sun (finally), and I've been trying to take full advantage of it. Lots of stroller/dog walks, BBQing, spring cleaning, planting flowers, washing cars, farmer's market, and lounging on the deck.
Honestly, this has been the best week I've had that I can remember since before Katelyn was born. The meds are definitely kicking in. No spontaneous crying. No undeserved bickering at my husband. Lots more patience with the girl when she's up at 1 a.m. I have been more motivated to organize the closet (still not finished), baby proof (barely started), and box Katelyn's Newborn to 3 month clothing (finished!).

Chemistry is amazing.

On another fun note, my friend Melaina and I both mentioned to each other that we wanted to do a vlog, but we didn't know what to say. So, we exchanged questions and she has so kindly already posted hers! She is way cute, with a little blondie boy, and an awesome American-Scottish-Irish accent that I can't get enough of. Go check it out! I still haven't recorded mine, but it will be here soon!

Well, hello again.

It was to be a great weekend. My baby turned 5 months old yesterday! Tomorrow is my first Mother's Day! It's supposed to be 70 degrees today!

Then, as I took my pre-bedtime potty break lastnight, I realized that an unwelcome visitor that I luckily haven't seen in over a year has made her evil return.

That's right, y'all. Aunt Flow came. A few dry tears were shed, along with a "mother f---er". (Sorry, Aunt Carol. I know I shouldn't say things like that. Love you.)

Ironically (and stupidly), I had mentioned to a co-worker (who has a 6-month old) that I haven't yet had a post-partum period. We were talking about the dreaded yet anticipated visit with my OB (that I will talk about in a minute, OK? I know you're wondering...if you even care at all), hormones, depression, all that fun stuff. And I stupidly mentioned that the red flag hadn't flown yet. The good part is that I can now start semi-charting (not temping, though), and that when we're ready to try for our 2nd (which won't be anytime soon), I'll be prepared.

So on to my doctor's appointment:

I cried. A lot. It began in the waiting room. I sat there in my gray cloud as one-by-one, cute, happy, pregnant women walked in. I couldn't help but remind myself what it felt like to be pregnant again...miserable in my big body, but so, so happy. Excited for the future. Eager to lay my eyes on that precious little girl kicking my bladder. I never would have thought that 5 months later I'd be in this same office so tired, sad, and in need of help.

Rachel, the same sweet medical assistant who had called me back time after time, again greeted me and asked how I was doing. Before I made it to the door, I bursted into tears. "I guess you wouldn't be here if you were doing great," she said. No, I'm not okay, I thought.

I got my act together enough to get weighed (more tears), BP checked (didn't even ask), and sit and wait for the doctor. As soon as she walked in, the floodgates opened again. We talked for a good 20-30 minutes about my work vs. mom vs. wife struggle (one conversation I'm sure she's had a thousand + times), my attempts to help myself with starting formula, exercising, trying to diet, etc. After discussing my options, she recommended Prozac and gave me contact information for a family counselor. I felt better when the appointment was over. I felt validated instead of guilty for the feelings I've been having.

Today is day 3 on my new meds. I should expect to notice results within 1-2 weeks. We'll see how it goes.





(Can you tell I have a thing for parenthesis today?)

:)

Katelyn's 5 month pictures to be posted soon!

Taking Steps

Another dreary day. I'm looking forward to sunnier days...both literally and hypothetically. I don't know what else to talk about since this is all I can think about. I would love (and I try) to pretend that I'm 100% fine, but that's what I've done for almost 5 months. I see the doctor tomorrow to figure out what to do. So, I've decided that part of my own self-therapy will be to come to my blog as often as I can and write down my feelings of the day.

On a positive note, Katelyn has STTN for the last 2 nights. I can't help but be convinced that it's a fluke....the only thing I've done differently is give her gripe water before her bedtime formula. That's it. In fact, she's still asleep now at 7:20 a.m. after going down at 9 lastnight. She hasn't slept that long since March. The nice thing is that I was able to get out of bed because I wanted to, not because I had to. A good start, right?

I have also decided to set 2-3 "Goals of the Day" so that I will feel less pressured and more accomplished every day. Today's goals? Fold Katelyn's laundry, make a trip to the mall, and vaccuum the house. Whatever else I get done will be gravy.

Since my last post, I've done some soul-searching and realized that many of my issues come from my own upbringing and my goal to give my daughter a better experience than I had. I'm not saying I was miserable, but I guarantee you that I faced more emotional trauma than many of you out there. Luckily, that didn't involve any physical trauma beyond your good ol' fashioned spanking (only with a leather belt than left welts). My father was an alcoholic---he died in 2001 due to illness stemming from that---and his dependency affected every single house we lived in, the multiple schools we went to, the friends we had (or didn't have), the way my mother responded to us, everything. I will spare you any more details, but I know that I may need to talk to a therapist to help me sort out all of the issues I'm facing.

So, I have the day off from work today. I will set out to accomplish my goals of the day. I will try my best not to cry at the drop of a hat. I will smile at my little girl and engage her in play. I will try to take steps forward, one at a time.

 

Wha?!

My baby is 20 weeks old this week! Where did the time go?

Honest Scrap

I have been honored with another award...the Honest Scrap Award from Mama Lungo @ The Lungos. She had her little guy around the same time I had Katelyn, and she's been a big part of my e-support group. Go check out her blog and give her some love!

Part of accepting this award is telling you 10 honest things about myself, so here goes:

1. I am addicted to Diet Cherry Pepsi. Completely. Being from TX, you'd think I'd be into Coke or Dr. Pepper, but Pepsi is my true love. :)
2. I never really cared for chocolate until after I gave birth. Now, I CRAVE chocolate every.single.day.
3. I met my husband in a yahoo chat room in 1998. Yeah, we're dorks like that.
4. I secretly hate every woman who loses weight while breastfeeding.  I was supposed to be honest, remember?  I have gained back 5 lbs of the 6 I had lost after returning to work. I weigh 12 lbs less than I did at my heaviest while pregnant (and K was 8 lbs!). Ugh to hormones.
5.  I hate wearing bras. I'd love to go "all out", but those days are over now that the girls are HUGE.
6.  I am a new twitter addict, but I'd rather read what people post than be the poster. I'm StaciaLynnPT if anyone wants to follow me!
7.  I still wear maternity pants to work. Um, yeah. See #4 above.
8.  My favorite drink is diet cherry pepsi and Malibu. See #1 above.
9.  I have family on my mother's side that I don't even know. (Hi, Aunt Carol!)
10.  I am in constant need of reassurance and validation...so keep commenting! I love it! :)

Here are a few more blogs I recommend:
1. Jenn @ Love Life
2.  Jenn @ Staying in the Loop
3.  Staci @ Our Happily Ever After ( I swear, I didn't copy her title idea!)
4.  K-Bar @ Deep Thoughts of a Not So Deep Thinker
5.  Mrs. Kisses @ The Kisses of Life