Well, hello again.

It was to be a great weekend. My baby turned 5 months old yesterday! Tomorrow is my first Mother's Day! It's supposed to be 70 degrees today!

Then, as I took my pre-bedtime potty break lastnight, I realized that an unwelcome visitor that I luckily haven't seen in over a year has made her evil return.

That's right, y'all. Aunt Flow came. A few dry tears were shed, along with a "mother f---er". (Sorry, Aunt Carol. I know I shouldn't say things like that. Love you.)

Ironically (and stupidly), I had mentioned to a co-worker (who has a 6-month old) that I haven't yet had a post-partum period. We were talking about the dreaded yet anticipated visit with my OB (that I will talk about in a minute, OK? I know you're wondering...if you even care at all), hormones, depression, all that fun stuff. And I stupidly mentioned that the red flag hadn't flown yet. The good part is that I can now start semi-charting (not temping, though), and that when we're ready to try for our 2nd (which won't be anytime soon), I'll be prepared.

So on to my doctor's appointment:

I cried. A lot. It began in the waiting room. I sat there in my gray cloud as one-by-one, cute, happy, pregnant women walked in. I couldn't help but remind myself what it felt like to be pregnant again...miserable in my big body, but so, so happy. Excited for the future. Eager to lay my eyes on that precious little girl kicking my bladder. I never would have thought that 5 months later I'd be in this same office so tired, sad, and in need of help.

Rachel, the same sweet medical assistant who had called me back time after time, again greeted me and asked how I was doing. Before I made it to the door, I bursted into tears. "I guess you wouldn't be here if you were doing great," she said. No, I'm not okay, I thought.

I got my act together enough to get weighed (more tears), BP checked (didn't even ask), and sit and wait for the doctor. As soon as she walked in, the floodgates opened again. We talked for a good 20-30 minutes about my work vs. mom vs. wife struggle (one conversation I'm sure she's had a thousand + times), my attempts to help myself with starting formula, exercising, trying to diet, etc. After discussing my options, she recommended Prozac and gave me contact information for a family counselor. I felt better when the appointment was over. I felt validated instead of guilty for the feelings I've been having.

Today is day 3 on my new meds. I should expect to notice results within 1-2 weeks. We'll see how it goes.





(Can you tell I have a thing for parenthesis today?)

:)

Katelyn's 5 month pictures to be posted soon!